A Dear Friend Passes

Today, I received news that I've been dreading for some time. Dawn, a dear friend, has passed after a long battle with cancer. My deepest sympathy goes out to her husband, and to her many friends, who will all miss her dearly.

I first met Dawn in a Usenet group dedicated to quitting smoking. From the very first, I admired her as a person of compassion, with a desire to help others. I can't begin to tell you how many people she helped, but I can tell you she helped me time and time again.

In January, 2004, Dawn found she had contracted cancer. Although scared beyond words, she told the group about it and used it as a learning experience for all of us. Her predicament was a warning to us all about the dangers of smoking. Her grace under pressure was an example of how to handle such an ordeal. (In this, she was much like my father.) I joined numerous other friends in a "healing circle" to support her before and after her operation. We were overjoyed to learn that the operation and subsequent therapy was a success.

Unfortunately, the success was short-lived. The cancer came back and, this time, it won. Another healing circle was formed, and many others worked individually to support her. In the end, however, the best we could do was to send her love and warmth and help her prepare for the crossing we all must make. I will miss Dawn very much. Even though we never met face to face, she was an important person in my life. I will always remember her kindness, her compassion and her sincere desire to help others. I am honored that she called me "friend".

In her honor, here is a poem I wrote years ago for a friend after the loss of her mother. Step softly to the Light, dear Dawn. May it always shine warmly upon you.

The Parting

The wise one said:

My time comes softly to an end
Quiet comes the night
I think I spent my time here well
But it's time to say good-bye

A gift from Spirit you have been
An Angel taking flight
You'll fare, as always, very well
And I bid you fond good-bye

May you stand softly in the Light

And her child answered:

Go softly just around the bend
To meet your spirit guide
I know you spent your time here well
Yes, it's time to say good-bye

My greatest comfort you have been
An Angel by my side
You'll also fare now very well
And I bid you fond good-bye

Now step softly to the Light

©1997 - Lane Baldwin

The Sanctity of Marriage

I normally don't talk about politics. But, today, I did want to touch on the subject as it relates to marriage. I just don't understand why some people are so adamant in their attack on same sex marriages. It is beyond me how two people who love each other declaring that love and making their relationship "official" can be a threat to marriage as an institution.

Isn't divorce a greater threat to marriage? Consider that more than 50% of all marriages today end in divorce. This seems to me to be the real threat to marriage. Why aren't these same people attacking that?

Now, I'm not suggesting that a person stay in an abusive situation. Sometimes, the only way to deal with a deeply troubled relationship is to walk away. What I am suggesting is that people give up too easily in many cases. There are times when I believe that many people invest more effort in their careers than they do in marriage. And, to me, that's just plain wrong.

Yes, marriage can be very difficult. In fact, I believe it to be one of the most challenging things we all face. . . the other being parents. But when things get tough, that tells me that, often, we need to put more effort into the relationship - not abandon it.

Are there issues in your marriage? If so, then it's time to sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk. Not a fight, not a screaming match. A loving talk. Aggression is most often met with aggression or defensiveness. It won't help you solve your problems. It's important to talk openly - and calmly - about the issue as you see it, and how that makes you feel. Be honest, be frank. But come from a place of love. Ask for help solving the problem. And remember, it seldom turns out that a single talk is going to get the job done. Resolving serious issues takes time. Ask your partner for help in creating a workable plan to address things.

Don't expect these talks to be easy, either. Because they're not. They can be extremely difficult and emotionally charged. Don't let that stop you from doing it. A long-term relationship requires effort and deep commitment. Well, didn't you make that commitment when you decided this relationship was something more than a passing phase? Honor yourself by honoring your commitment - and have that talk you so desperately need.

The other thing that can be vitally important is to ask yourself, "what's my part in this? What am I doing to contribute to the problem?" If you aren't willing to look at yourself, you take away the opportunity to be a part of positive change. It isn't easy to engage in this level of self-honesty, but it often is the difference between finding a solution and watching the problem get worse.

My final thought is this: If you can't resolve the issue alone, seek help. Find a good relationship counselor or therapist. There are many avenues you can explore and only you (and your mate) can decide which is best for you. Don't let embarrassment keep you from seeking help. I promise you that you aren't the first couple to need guidance.

If we truly want to honor the sanctity of marriage - and of all long-term relationships - let's start with the greatest threat to them: The willingness to give up too easily.

Create a Great Day!

Back After Long Absence

Sometimes, time really does fly. I apologize for the length of time since my last post. I've just been very busy.

First, I had to prepare for - and attend - the largest trade show in my industry. (My "day job" is with Eden Electronics, which makes the finest bass amplifiers on the planet.) I spent many hours getting everything ready for the show and then spent a week putting in twenty hour days. Obviously, that's a lot of work but it was well worth it and everyone involved decreed the show a huge success.

Second, I became very ill on the day I flew home. Chalk it up to being extremely overworked and the fact that my immune system had been beat to death. I spent the following week recuperating.

Third, I've since been working hard to catch up on everything. Several times I told myself I need to do another entry here, but I just kept running out of time.

I'm happy to say that I am now fairly caught up and am able to allocate time for blog entries. I'll be back in a day or two with a new post. Thanks to those who emailed to check on me.

Create a Great Day!